Y'all Better Wake The Fuck Up And Let's Go One More Time Around

DALE IS BACK. Like the Empire, but I ain't strikin', just livebloggin' from the Beijing Olympics. Alicia Sacramone just fucked up her balance beam mount, but in more positive news I've realized her ass deserves some appreciation as well. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be as much documentation as my girl Misty has seen, plus the broad is only 20 now so image search is sketch. Steve will probably take care of that though, age ain't nothin' but a number to him if ya na'mean. Anyway, if you ain't watchin', you'll just have to take my word for it (and the status of my pants) (on the floor).

This balance beam shit is insane. I can't even walk the white line on the road, and trust me, I've had to do that like half a dozen times. Shawn Johnson just fuckin' dominated but I'm more scared than amazed. Little pixie tramp could probably whip my ass from like 40 different angles and she's only 4'9" or some shit. I'd be like lookin' to jack up with my creatine and I'd already be in the hospital.

Oh, and big fuckin' surprise, Phelps destroyed souls today. Two events, two gold medals, two world records. That's how we do it in America. Not sure if you were aware. I was really thinkin' fascism had its advantages before these Olympics got underway, and even through the opening ceremony I was all "man China might be all that, I wonder if I can walk there" but now I'm like USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA MAY'S ASS USA like you should all be.

OK Alicia is gonna do her spot in the last rotation, time to get to it. DALE OUT.

P.S. Ah she just fucked up. This shit is rigged. Maybe she's communist. I'll console her. And by console I mean sexually stimulate.

P.P.S.